


No Signal One Shots

by ZephyrEden



Series: No Signal [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: F/F, M/M, welcome to sin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZephyrEden/pseuds/ZephyrEden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A companion series of one shots for No Signal dealing with head canons and things that don't fit in with the ongoing story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Signal One Shots

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stream Family - Sin Squad](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Stream+Family+-+Sin+Squad).



> This is my sin. Enjoy.

“No, no, but listen to this one!”

Dipper cringed as he heard his Grunkle’s voice in the kitchen, laughing out obnoxiously around nine in the morning. He hung back for a minute, wondering who he was talking to.

“My ex-wife still misses me…” he trailed off for a moment, stifling a chuckle. “But her aim is getting better!”

Dipper slammed his face against his palm so hard that he could feel the welt it left behind. Raucous laughter poured out of the kitchen, but not just from his Grunkle. Wait, was that –

Dipper turned into the room and was met by a sight he wished he didn’t see.

Bill was doubled over, clutching the table with one hand while the other was busy wringing into his shirt. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he struggled for breath. The obnoxious laughter spilled from his mouth before he could even attempt to contain it.

Grunkle Stan wasn’t much better off. Every time he seemed to reign in his laughter, one look at Bill would send him off the edge again. His coffee cup was clutched tightly in one hand while the other slapped at his knee repeatedly.

The brunette’s eyes widened in fear and he slowly tried to back out of the room without being seen. But it was too late. His position had been compromised.

“Pine Tree!” Bill cheered, hoisting himself back to an upright position as he wiped away some stray tears with the back of his hand. “Pine Tree, you have to hear this joke. It’s –“ Before he could continue another round of boisterous laughter overtook him, sending him straight back to the floor.

Dipper held his hands out in front of him defensively, quickly reversing out of the kitchen. Luckily, he had lost his appetite.

 

▲ ▲ ▲

 

“Mabel,” the boy whined to his twin as he repeatedly smacked his head against the wall. “He. Won’t. Stop.” The thumping became louder as he slammed his forehead against the wooden beam harder, the sound beginning to echo throughout the shop.

“Have you tried just laughing at it?” his sister offered, watching him as she propped her elbow on the register counter. Her brow rose as he began to hit his head harder. “You’re going to kill all your brain cells. What will you be if you lose all your nerd power?” she asked in faux concern.

He stopped the motion for a moment, his head leaning against the wall as he turned slowly to shoot his sister an incredulously glare. “And what good will that possibly do?” he asked sarcastically, ignoring her last comment.

She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe placate him or something?”

They both straightened up and faced the door as the bell above it chimed, but instantly fell into more relaxed dispositions when the demon in question entered. Or at least Mabel was relaxed, lazily waving at Bill with a bright smile. The younger of the two, however, had gone rigid and was desperately trying to keep his cool.

 “Hey, Bill,” the girl lilted innocently, motioning him over. She locked eyes with her twin for a moment, a mischievous grin on her face.

_‘Oh no.’_ He pleaded with her silently, sending as many telepathic waves to his twin as possible. He already knew what was coming and knew it was revenge for making fun of Pacifica’s makeup a few days before. But this was too cruel!

“Yeah, Shooting Star?” the blonde asked, approaching the register. He tilted his head slightly as he watched their silent back and forth.

She turned back to him, her naïve smile still in place. “Have you heard any good jokes lately?”

Dipper felt his entire world shatter as his soul left his mortal body.

Bill’s face froze for a moment before it was split in two by a Cheshire grin. His body had already begun trembling as he tried to silence his giggling. “Oh Star, I am so glad you asked,” he beamed, his voice wavering as a chuckle began to slip out. “My ex-wife still misses me… But her aim is getting better!” He swung his arms with the punchline like their Grunkle often did.

Mabel forced out an enthusiastic laugh, smiling more from her brother’s pain than the joke. Dipper fell against the wall, groaning loudly as he slammed his hands over his face. Bill had already lost it, struggling to keep on his feet as his knees buckled slightly. Tears stung the edges of his eyes, his face and chest reddening as he once again lost air flow.

“I’m not dealing with this,” Dipper grunted as he stormed out of the room.

Once Bill had regained his composure, he looked to the girl that was still smiling at him. He tapped his chin with one hand, trying to gather his thoughts. “Maybe he doesn’t get it,” he mused aloud, glancing to the other for some kind of confirmation or denial.

“Maybe,” she sang, tilting her head back and forth at the thought. “You should try to explain it to him.”

He nodded enthusiastically, running through the door Dipper had disappeared through. She laughed to herself as she heard him call out “Hey, Pine Tree!” then turned back to the door with a shyster’s grin as some tourists walked in. “Welcome to the Mystery Shack!”

She listened closely to the argument in the living room, their voices slightly muffled as they carried past the ‘Employee Only’ door.

Bill repeated the joke only to be met by another disgruntled noise and Dipper begging him to please stop tormenting him. “Get it? Cause marriage is terrible!” the demon cheered, sounding a bit too similar to certain Grunkle in the house.

 

 

▲ ▲ ▲

 

“It’s been an eternity,” Dipper droned dramatically, his face shoved into a pillow on his sister’s bed.

She lifted her gaze from the polish she was painting onto her fingernails to give him a skeptical look and roll her eyes. “I am positive that it hasn’t been that long,” she assured him, dragging the slicked brush against her now glittery purple nails.

He turned his head just enough that he could stare at his twin through the corner of one eye. “Three weeks, Mabel. _Three. Weeks._ ” He exhaled loudly before shoving his face back into the pillow. “Grunkle Stan was only here for two of those. If it wasn’t his presence egging him on then I don’t know what was.”

She shrugged, “Well, you’re really the only one he’s telling it to. Maybe he just wants to make you laugh. He sure seems to think that it’s funny.”

His eyes shot open and pushed himself up to his knees so he could look at his sister. “That’s it. It’s the joke that’s funny; it’s the agony he’s putting me through. This is his revenge for trapping him in a human body.” He ran his hands through his hair, worry lines creasing under his eyes. “I’m going to die and this joke will be the last thing I ever hear. My gravestone will say ‘Here lies Dipper Pines - He escaped death many times, but his aim is getting better.’” His arm stretched out before him like he was reading a headline.

His twin had to stifle a laugh at that. “Look bro-bro, I know you’re at the end of your rope, but being melodramatic is my thing.” She offered him a smile as he shot her an icy glare. She reached out for her brother, placing a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “Just try to ignore him. He might just quit once he stops getting a rise out of you.”

He sighed, “Well, I guess that’s the only option I have for now.”

 

▲ ▲ ▲

 

It had actually worked. The demon had stopped. It didn’t even take much effort on Dipper’s part. After a day of two of stopping all reactions to the joke, Bill had given up. A week of blissful jokeless days stretched ahead of him and the last week was only the beginning. He locked away the tortuous memories of the past weeks in the back of his mind and was content to never think about them again.

He carried a box full of snow globes into the gift shop, setting it down on the floor in front of the appropriate selves. Bill followed in soon after with another box full of bumper stickers. He stood in front of the rack and placed the stack of overpriced stickers in the different holders. He pulled out a piece of paper that separated the stacks, crumpling it up into ball, and throwing it towards the trash can beside the other.

The ball bounced off the wall by Dipper’s shoulder and rolled slowly along the ground. They both stared at it for a moment in silence. Stifling a chuckle, he looked at the demon who was still staring at the ground. “What were you even aiming at?” he asked with a laugh before his eyes widened in shock. He said it. He held his breath. Maybe he didn’t hear…

Bill slowly raised his head, a grin splitting his face in two as his eye lit up.

“Don’t,” the brunette warned as he saw the blonde opening his mouth.

“My ex-wife still misses me…” His body began to shake.

“Bill, no!” Dipper was backing up towards the closest exit.

“But her aim is getting better!”

Mabel heard Dipper’s screams of agony from the attic.

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kBiQiXXoGY


End file.
